Heartbreak Warfare.

Disappointment has a name, it's heartbreak warfare.

Who knew that a mistake you made in a year screws your entire future up?

It's frustrating but there's absolutely no time to mope about the situation. And i have to stay strong for myself.

6 Weeks to Exams. Time to push myself to the end.

Just gotta keep swimming.

Loves,
Joanne.

Cat Fights, Bear Hugs.

The Nottingham Nightline had a Teddy Bear Giving Out Free Hugs.

Something about teddy bear really warms me up everytime I see them. I feel their warmth everytime I hug them, and they don't look like they will eat me. I can't even think of one evil bear character - Yogi Bear, Jungle Story Bear, hell, even that Disney Channel Golden Bear character doesnt look like he will hurt a fly, let alone you. In amazing contrast, cats would probably emerge as the villian in every show. We say cat fights - remember Alice in Wonderland? Even Garfield is a little bit of a sarcastic bitchy feline.
So what this world needs, is more bear hugs and less cat fights.

There is a little bit of selfishness in every one of us. We all understand that it is the survival of the fittest, and that feeling (or being) even 2% more superior than our counterparts give us a certain smug confidence that motivational books can't provide us. These books tell us we should preserve our self esteem ; I say we are all too busy trying to shield our egos. Beneath the layer (or layers this winter) of humble humility and what not, we are all competitors ; aiming to be respected or known for something we achieved in.

Eminem and I finally have something in common – we are cleaning up our closets – though I was less word abusive and problematic than him while doing it. So I discovered one of my prized possessions, a black book called – New Clear Holder. It’s contents was basically my life in the eyes of employers and governing bodies – certificates of achievement, attendance, acknowledgement, leaving school, attitude assessments – well you get the gist. Giving a brief overview of it - I wonder if it really reflected who I was. Yes I enjoy talking and writing, hence the slew of oratory competitions - but I wasn't a nerd (OKAY MAYBE A BIT) as reflected by achievement certs or an extremely perfect candidate that my assessments said I was. I guess I was fortunate to be viewed that way - but again, Eminem and I both know that the skeletons, hummingbirds or whatevers in my closet is pretty extensive.

None of us are excluded from competition in life. While we are not part of “The Apprentice”, we share at least half of the life dramas, the catfights and the inner rivalry with these TV shows, mainly because of one word – Reality. The only difference is that in our everyday mundane lives, we do not have producers editing what we say and showing the world what they want to portray us as. In fact, we may have exposed our VPL (visible panty line) or unbuttoned blouse to the lucky pervert in the LRT –and there’s nothing we can do about that. We do not get “eliminated” from the world view – there is a very slim chance that the mean girl in the office will ever get transferred to another department or gets dragged to hell on a train track.

Sometimes I wonder why we are so hooked on 12 episodes worth of reality TV shows when we ourselves have better life drama. Why is it better? Firstly, there are no exit sign to our problems. It’s like having a crying baby next to us and even if we scream/get frustrated/be jealous of the next door neighbour with both perfect body and quiet kids – we are still STUCK with the whiny baby. So unless we get our act together and breastfeed or stuff her mouth with something (I make such a bad mum, I know), the problem isn’t crawling anywhere!

A solution so simple is hard to conceive when negativity and self pity consumes us. And while we always have the occasional friends to turn to and listen to us rant incessantly, a recent painful lesson I learnt is that telling someone a personal problem is problematic itself – that person might misinterpret it and tell someone else. There is no such thing as privacy these days – as I have always told myself, secrets are a luxury that we can’t afford anymore. To be let down by people you think you can trust is terribly disappointing, but in a way, it teaches you an age old lesson – that you can’t exactly count on anyone else but yourself. And maybe your mum.Yes, definitely just your mum.

I don’t know how many lessons and incidents it will take to make us as strong as Joan of Arc (notice our name similarity! She’s a hero!) – but it certainly helps to not back out. The only time we should be detached from our problems is if we want to gain perspective about how and where this life train is taking us to. While dwelling on the past is naturally not advisable, being almost always too worried about the future is probably just as big a mistake.

My mum probably knows me better than anyone else - barring maybe my siblings . She knows I am a sucker for fried food,wat tan hor and her cooking. She knows that I worry so much that I DREAM about my worries - i mean seriously, lay off would you , problems? - and then I would blog about it. She also knows that I am extremely passionate in everything I do - and when I do it well, it's essentially because I wanted to do it. I can sit for an entire night reading about China's communist history and Tim Harford's books. OMG Have I mentioned how much I enjoy Tim Harford's books? I went for his signing when he was in KL!

HAHAHAHAHA! WOO HOO!!!

I stayed up from 2am until, well, now - its 4pm as I write this - trying to set my priorities straight and working my sorry little ass off. I really have NO idea whatsoever where my life is leading me to, but I really don't want to regret about what I did in the past anymore. It's simply senseless, and I might as well make do with whatever I have.

Here's the quote of the day - "A man (or woman, hello sexist quote book!) 's happiness stems not from how much he owns but how little he complains."

Making sense of this quote, if I am handed a lemon and I have run out of tequila and the blender doesn't function (thereafter no lemonade), the only viable option one has is to eat it raw, enjoy whatever there is to enjoy, and dont look back and wonder why you were given a lemon in the first place.

EVEN SO, I am very impatiently awaiting the results of America's Next Top Model. Yes, I have followed all 13 cycles. Maybe, just maybe, watching cat fights makes you feel thankful that you aren't the only bitchy person in this world. :) And dont quote me for that - there's a bitch in every girl, just on a scale of 1 to 10. Dont ask me what's my number, my bitchiest look was so lame that my friend burst out laughing :(

If you read to the end - BRAVO! :)

Loves,

Joanne

Gagagagagaa!!

Dennis played with my iPhone :) Thats Anthony behind me, i wonder what we were lookin at.. oh yes, we were showing the butches (lesbian tomboys) in my friends' list. I dont know why but Melaka seems to have so many of them. I have at least 50 ON MY LIST! Pays to be in an all girls school.. but yeah. I really hope it's just a phase that they will get over, because this world needs to repopulate!!!! No offence to them though, I understand that sometimes they are born with it. But for those who think it's cool, NO. It's not.

May I take the opportunity to say that Anthony is CHEAPPPPPP. Hahaha kidding. I love all my housemates + the new addition, Elisa! Staying within a house is so much more fun than staying in halls. Period!

I just downloaded Lady Gaga's album - The Fame Monster - and it's good stuff, again! Really glad i decided to go for her concert in 02, London next year! 28th February!! Awesomeeeeee


She is a little weird, but weird is the new cool. And her entire album can be mainstream top 40 songs so this concert is going to be really interesting to watch!

Loves,
Joanne

1000 Awesome Things

1000awesomethings.com listed some of the littlest most awesome things. And here are a few of my favourites :)

• #999 That last, crumby triangle in a bag of potato chips
• #995 Finding money you didn’t even know you lost
• #994 Waiters and waitresses who bring free refills without asking
• #990 Picking up a q and a u at the same time in Scrabble
• #989 Blowing your nose in the shower
• #970 Using hotel lobby bathrooms when you’re out walking around
• #967 Illegal naps
• #966 Living with someone who doesn’t mind killing spiders
• #961 Yellow teeth
• #955 Sneezing three or more times in a row
• #953 When cashiers open up new check-out lanes at the grocery store
• #952 When someone tells you that you have something in your teeth
• #951 Hearing a stranger fart in public
• #946 The first shower you take after not showering for a really long time
• #938 Sweatpants aka track pants aka jogging pants
• #937 The smell of rain on a hot sidewalk
• #936 Perfect parallel-parking on the first try
• #935 Eating cookies like Cookie Monster
• #934 Adrenaline
• #910 When you arrive at your destination just as a great song ends on the radio
• #909 Bakery air
• #908 Peeling an orange in one shot
• #904 When you manage to squeeze enough toothpaste out for one last brush
• #887 Talking about how much the meal you’re eating at home would cost at a restaurant
• #876 Taking your bra off after wearing it for hours
• #855 When you cut off your disgusting big toenail
• #836 When you push the button for the elevator and it’s already there
• #827 Saying the same thing as a sports commentator says just before they say it
• #826 When you didn’t play the lottery and your numbers didn’t come up
• #803 Your favorite old, comfy T-shirt
• #802 Watching something download really fast
• #780 Squeezing through a door as it’s shutting without touching it
• #779 Getting into a bed with clean sheets after shaving your legs
• #737 Catching somebody singing in their car and sharing a laugh with them
• #707 Wearing what you just bought out of the store
• #706 The moment at a concert when the crowd figures out what song they’re playing
• #701 When you hit the point where you’re comfortable farting around each other
• #700 Making someone laugh when they’ve got a really full mouth
• #699 A long hug when you really need it

You can see how TRUE and AWESOME you actually feel when the above happens. I especially love how awesome it is to wear what you just bought off the store and taking off your bra after wearing it for hours.

And the best part is to take photos of it - and being all happy dappy after that even though your bank account is very very pathetic.

No regrets, nope,NONE AT ALL :)

Truly original website which really cracked me up :) Good stuff people, good stuff. Go on to the website and see the totally honest reasons why life is AWESOME!

Loves,
Joanne

Why Can't I Realize, Im Fighting For My Life

My version of fun this week is bopping around on my study table listening to David Guetta and Calvin Harris. Man, i sound like a retired old lady. So yes, music is pretty integral to my life, and I do enjoy singing so it's only natural that I have a few favourites.

Here are new songs thats just been added to my iTunes and iPhone.

If you have heard TI's "Whatever you like", here's an alternative that you will enjoy :)

Anya Marina - Whatever You Like



Pixie Lott - Cry Me Out
Her entire album is amazing, but here's a song that I can serenade in the bathroom to :)



Despite his pineapple stunt, I really enjoy Calvin Harris music. And here's one that can be potentially addictive, you have been warned!

Calvin Harris - Flashback.



And finally, here's a Jason Castro song that everyone would love :)



Loves,
Joanne

Oh, Just Shut Up

I spent the weekend trying to catch up with my books, and I think I was partially successful. I say partially because there were moments where I drifted away playing Zee Avi or watching X Factor (WHY did Jamie go?! Hes so good! I guess the show just wasnt for him. Lloyd cant sing for shizz, although he is quite a Jesse McCartney lookalike)

Oh my god, I think I am not the only one who hates this, but do you hate how people tend to make you feel small? Throughout my years, I have developed this mechanism where people's attempts to do this just BOUNCES off my stomach fat.

Here are a few examples -

" Oh my god, you bought this off Amazon for 40 quid? I got it for 25. Why are you so stupid?"

" You are only at lecture 6? Im already done with that module. You are really behind Joanne"

" Your house is so expensive! I pay YOUR price, and that includes bills so i dont have to freeze like you do".

"Oh that tutorial was so easy. Why are you even struggling?"

The first few times, you just smile meekly and try to avoid getting annoyed so easily. A few other examples and scenarios later, I just want to say - oh just shut up.

Gloating. I received it all my life from my hometown days. The city was such a tigh knit community that its pretty easy to know how everyone is doing and compare one's position. You get tired after a while and realize that it's yours and his/her insecurity that prompted all this. So maybe im not totally ahead in lectures and I am probably not fantastic in getting amazing deals, but I am progressing and thats all that matters. At one point, i was really annoyed with myself for even being affected in the first place. I guess there's just a low point in everyone of us, and sometimes, he/she presses that.

Well, im not in the position to be treated this way. The exit door to my life is there, just take it. :)

Loves,
Joanne

p/s : Happy Monday! :)

Kickstart

Yesterday, I learnt something for myself and for other people. Maybe karma bites back, or maybe it was just another lesson that you pick up along the way. There are no such things as coincidences, only the illusion of coincidences.

Anyways, I deviate. Here's the quote I got from someone's FB status -

If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Unless it's funny.

I think I might have learnt to let it go.Took me an hour to take it easy, but by then, it had ruined all my intention to enjoy the night, maybe drink (Saturday night what) with my housemates. Instead, I watched "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" with Kevin who stayed over, again and laughed my ass off before falling asleep like a log.

Yesterday, Elisa cooked laksa and i forgot to tell her how yummy it tasted!

And i spent 10 pounds on dim sum ==.. that would have paid for my entire family in Malaysia lol! But it was sooooo yummy! and for my dim sum deprived stomach, it was the best feeling in the world when i put that salad deep fried prawn in my mouth... aargh, im getting hungry again, when will this STOP?

Also went to Zara and was tempted to buy the entire knitwear jumper colour collection - forced myself to only choose one. Oh and i got those thick pair of tights. Which reminds me of what happened in China China (dim sum store) - my tights TORE and i had to take them out under the table.. thank God i was wearing boots. But yes, if you were wondering - SUPER COLD.. I dont know how i even survived, but after a while, your skin gets numb and the coldness doesnt bug you anymore.

Picture of Ze Day -

I saw this Warehouse dress (picture doesnt do justice, its so much nicer in real life) and it screamed "JASMINE TAY" . So i picture messaged her and asked her if she wanted it, esp since it was only 22pounds after student discount.

The queen of shopaholic replied - "BOUGHT A FEW WEEKS AGO EDI"

Which pretty much shows how shopping is our greatest weakness, and how well i know my sister's wardrobe - i can even tell she wants this in it!

And it's 923am now and Im back to dating my beloved books. Such a one way relationship, it demands so much from me!

Loves,
Joanne..

A Picture A Day!

The Malaysian Society had a Volunteer Thank You Party for all the help volunteers/members helped us with during the course of organizing the Malaysian Games. Once again, thank YOU! Without the volunteers, nothing much would have been possible. It was a wonderful success, my president appeared on TV3 (facebook video it on my profile if you wanna watch), and everyone seemed to have enjoyed it thoroughly - at least i hope they did.. :)

So there was Laksa , Steamboat and Teh Tarik for the volunteers - entry was free for them - yes, be jealous :)

I think i am not capturing enough pictures to depict my uni life all that much. So im launching this A PICTURE A DAY campaign. Doesnt matter if i use my crappy iphone camera or my standard digi cam. Im gonna try to make an effort to post it on my blog. If not, i will just compile them all and show them later. I just want to show the little things i see, and despite the cold weather and freezing toes moments, i really enjoy my time here. Yes, the stress and schedule is unbearable, but im glad to be solving problems that I actually want to solve and not do it just for the sake of academics.

It's my own initiative to photocopy, to read journals and im starting to understand what university requires me to do.

Urgh, my iphone is screwing up on me and im annoyed. it keeps reconnecting and disconnecting by itself... Haiz... can my life be monotonous - just for a while? I mean, everything post games have been pretty standard... probably the only change is that I have started to wear socks to sleep. Yeap, you guessed it - winter's back! I dread going out, though i still do - and the autumn jacket is safely tucked in my-almost-full-and-bursting cupboard.

Kevin Kok's staying over tonight, and it's one of my rare Friday nights where I stay in with a warm cup of coffee and my textbooks - nerd much - but oh well, whatever makes me happy :)

Have a great weekend everyone :)

And for all you iPhone/iPod touch users, get WhatApp - free iPhone to iPhone messaging wherever and whenever you are :) Our very own BBM - nope we r not copying, we have improved it - :) - and it auto adds everyone on yr contact list who has the same app! :) Awesomeness ... once i pass this to my dad, i can chat with him on the go... all he needs is internet as with Maxis and hes good to go :)


Loves,
Joanne!

Dramaaaaa

Thank God for the Committee I Had!!

I think I have had enough drama for this semester. Hopefully things would settle and everyone would be in civil terms with each other. Apologies for getting involved, but oh well, i would do this for anyone of my friends. Might be a strength of weakness, i dunno just yet =) Im tired of trying to understand, and i did what i did already.

Seriously, download Pixie Lott's album. I cant believe that she was in Manchester and i never met her! only caught a glimpse of N Dubz =.=...

Nottingham post mortem meeting went well - i mean, how do you define a bad meeting anyway? - In retrospect, Registration sounds relatively simple, but it was more tedious and complicated than i actually predicted. Initially when registration was slow,we could handle everything. Towards the end, i had so many things on my plate and i STILL had to make sure the money is in the Treasury. Because things were sent to my personal email, only I could handle it - from the smallest details to the hugest agenda. And last minute changes - omg annoying gila - but it happened anyways. Suddenly from 30 contingents, we had 73 contingents. 73 contingents who said the same things to me, asked me similiar questions.

Some of them probably hates me because i had to reject some of their teams because it was already full. A girl actually told me that her contingent actually had a bitching session about me even though i eventually put her team on the top of waiting list and later on, they were allowed to participate. Sometimes, the things you do and the strings you pull for people just go unnoticed. In everyone's general opinion, they deserve the right to enter, regardless of the fact that we had a limit to capacity. There were more contingents this year and we still had the same pitches and time constraint. I could give them my registration file to show them that i wasnt lying, but i guess even given that, i will still be crapped upon. But still, i hope for everyone else who joined, they managed to enjoy games. I apologize but me and Yana did everything we could to fit every team in, and sometimes we just couldnt expand any further.

But im extremely extremely thankful for the committee and everyone for pulling through. We had to go through so much , there were times when we couldnt even do our own everyday stuff because the games just took over pretty much everything. A special note of gratitude for housemates for making sure i didnt crash and burn and listened to me when I actually made proper mistakes. I did not cook that week and I had to eat pork floss for lunch two days in a row. Oh and also to Stephanie for completing the final form even though she was new to the entire system. We did everything okay babe!

Even now, not everything is over. I have refunds to settle which i plan to do
But during post mortem, we have decided to change the registration process quite a lot - i will train the next treasurer and make sure she doesnt make the mistakes and further improve the system. Social responsibility - as Muaz says, the moment you join the committee,you are probably going to be in it..... forever. hahahahaha. basically, i had files from my sisters year, and the completed form was something my sister created. Talk about second generation. The TAY legacy lives on...

Sorry but i was sooo stressed that i decided to camwhore. great stress reliever.
I went for retail therapy and i got this - a pair of lovely earrings on sale for 1 pound! :) Diva somemore. Im a sucker for earrings.

Aargh im in denial about internships. Everyone keeps saying that it's tough to get one here bla bla bla.. and it just demoralizes me even more. Having done an internship, I know that it demands more than just a student personality. Hopefully I have built up a personality to handle the real world, and be chosen for it. Hoping for the best here.

Aih, talking bout that just gets depressing. Going to research for my group seminar.

Loves,
Joanne

Lash Back.

Reminder - blog about my manchester match!

So yes i have been neglecting the blogosphere world yet again. I wouldnt know if anyone would ever read this but considering the amount of stalking people actually do on facebook, you really never know.

Something that has been a recurring theme for me is seeing my friend being dissed by other people pretty often. And when i say often, it's justified because whenever his name is mentioned, i expect a litany of bad mouthing, slandering remarks and pretty much negative connotations. Usually when there's bitching/back biting going on, i stay out of it because it's just really messy when you get involved. And sometimes it's not worth my time.

But what would you do if -

1. your friend is unfairly treated this way. he never even so much as spit in their direction, probably never mention their names in a negative light before. in fact whenever i have conversations, their names do not come up, at all. so technically, he never asked for it.

2. if it happens once, fine, people have bad days, people make mistakes, slip of a tongue, whatever. but this issue has been going on for ages. and while i do love these friends of mine, hello, please treat my friend with respect. I dont diss your friends, dont diss bout mine. in fact, if it makes you feel better, just dont TALK about him. and no, not liking his face is not a sufficient reason to just slander him this way.

If i did this constantly about friend, how would you feel? If you are insensitive then thats you. Im different. I actually care.

I think the worst part was to use my highlighter and vandalising my picture with him. I wont elaborate about that but im just too pissed to really care about being discrete about this. You tease him with me and you also call him gay? Ridiculous reasoning.

To be honest, the more you just slander and speak lowly of someone who in turn, never said anything bout you, it just reflects really poorly on you. You may call me sensitive and you may say you were just kidding, but the only thing i can agree with you about that is how KID-ish this seems.

I honestly initially thought this was all play teasing and games but it's gone a little too far, and its time to teach you something you learn in kindergarten - freaking respect and being nice.

I dont understand guys really. If you are a little different, ie not drink like mad, enjoy drinking or do all the usual stupid guys stuff, then you are just not one of them. And if this is the way you define a true man, then i have NO respect for all these "true men". A true man knows how to choose his words, knows his boundaries, and essentially is consistently matured, not only when there are girls around.

I would say this if you did it to a girl friend of mine, and my opinion stands for him. Dont give me shit about me liking him or vice versa because we all know thats not true. We are friends, and im standing up for mine. I have said it a billion times to all your faces to shut up about this, but i guess the message never went through.


Im angry, and i dont try to mask it.

Loves, or not really,
Joanne.